I have read a posting on 51.ca by a Chinese parent. He and his wife have been doing labor jobs and saving their hard earned dollars for their future. For some time they had lived with their only son in one room rented from a house. As their son grew bigger he asked for his own room. And when his wish wasn't granted, he refused to sleep in the same room with his parents. Eventually the parents gave in. They put down some of their savings, borrowed the rest of the money and bought a townhouse. The son finally got his own room. Yet the parents slept in the basement and rented out the remaining two rooms for some extra cash.

      The family now lives in much better condition but they feel no happiness in the house. The parents work as hard, day in and day out. Their son sometimes brings his friends home. But they never visit the basement and he never introduces his parents to their friends. When the parents asked their son why, he said how do you expect me to introduce you? You know very little English and never talk much in public. And you dress yourselves so poorly ... even worse than my grandparents.

      The parents felt devastated. They thought: we sacrificed everything, we left our good lives behind us in China, we travelled thousands of miles to Canada and we suffered so much to raise him up for a better future. But look what we've got. Why is he treating us like this? Why he looks down on us? What makes him feel so shameful to have us as his parents?

      At first I thought the answer is poverty. I once read poverty is worse than death. Poverty can take away our access to basic rights, such as our right to education or make a living. Poverty can take away our dignity but death can’t. But when I look at this family, I don’t see poverty. Both parents are working. Their son enjoys free education. They live in their own house. Honestly it’s not that difficult to survive in Canada. It's much easier to survive in Canada than in China because our basic needs are met and our basic rights are protected.

      But if it’s not poverty, then what is it that sends this family to such a devastating situation? When I look closer, I learn a terrifying truth: you can choose to live a life with no dignity, no pride, and no self respect. You can choose to feel not worthy.

      I have a friend whose name is Terry. Terry is a fine young man and the son of a Chinese couple from Hong Kong many, many years ago. I met Terry in ING Direct. Because we were the only two people speaking Cantonese on the floor very soon we became friends. One day Terry said this to me, Eric I... I despise my parents. I was shocked. Then he said, I know I shouldn’t ... they have worked so hard to feed me and cloth me. But they just don’t have my respect. They know very little English and never speak up in public. They avoid conflicts and are afraid of confrontation. Whenever I see them badly treated by people I feel very shameful. On different occasions I hear Terry say: I am scared of my manager. I don’t know why, but he is overwhelmingly intimidating. You must know Terry grew up in Canada and speaks fluent English. If language isn’t an issue then what is it that disturbs this young man, affects his confidence and may ultimately put a limit on his future? From what I can see the way Terry’s parents interact with the world has had a serious effect on him.

      Now if I have a chance to talk to these two parents, I would tell them the following. Forgive me for being so dramatic, but what I’m going to say is quite true: if your son needs a role model and you’re not one, then both of you are screwed. What are you gonna tell him? Son, I used to have a good life in China. I sacrificed everything and I moved to Canada. And I did all of these for you. Now English communication is killing me. I feel that I’m not gonna make it. But son, please go ahead and do your best. And you must not disappoint me ... I feel it’s hard to tell him that. I feel my voice is weak and not convincing. Come on, son you can do it! You can do it, too, dad!

      I am a Chinese parent and I also have a son. And I at once also had a humble beginning in Canada. Imagine if I was that parent and I couldn’t find a decent job, all I could find was hard labor. To provide for my family and bring food on the table, I’ll do it. But I would find every way to preserve my dignity, pride, and self respect. During Christmas, at big discount I would get five good quality shirts, two pairs of good quality pants, and one pair of good quality shoes that are durable and last long. When I wear them at home, on the street or to the interviews I feel good about myself and about my chances. I would keep my house, however small and with simple furniture, nice and tidy, so we all feel warm and hopeful. I would raise my hand high, stand up and speak up to let people notice me and let me find the opportunities. I would improve my English communication skills to better market, present and promote myself. I know it doesn’t cost much money but takes a lot of willpower and time. But for me and for my family I'll do it. I'll do it also because I want to become someone my son can look up to. I want to become a role model!